Desperate
I am desperate. I am desperate for Christ. His leading in my life.
Despite the revolving door of sickness that continues to ‘bless’ us, we’ve had some good weeks. When they do come, life feels good, manageable even. The tailspin of sorrow isn’t overwhelming. The tears aren’t harsh, they are quiet.
This Psalm has been on my heart and mind lately…
Psalm 42
As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how would I do with the throng
and lead them in the procession to the
house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because
of the oppression of the enemy?”
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall praise him,
my salvation and my God.
So many thoughts resonate with my heart. The tears as food, praising God in the night when the darkness threatens to overwhelm. But, in the end, I don’t feel forgotten by God. He is my daily hope. Oh, how fickle human emotions can be. So thankful for the salvation I have found in Christ, that I have been called to be his child.
On a side note, pray for us. We are contesting the medical bill from my last post. We could use guidance. We want a change, the ‘system’ needs to change. No parent who looses a child should get something like that in the mail. I am so thankful for the support that we do have.