Peace That Surpasses All Understanding
Today is Friday. That means we’ve had almost a full week of ‘normal’. No sickness, no medication, no tears; it feels good. No, it feels GREAT!!
Since Benjamin’s birth, I have been leery of babies. Scared to hold them. I didn’t want the flood gates of tears to overwhelm me, and the poor dear momma of the baby I was holding. But I did it. Yesterday I met my best friends newest little, and I survived. I didn’t break down, I didn’t even cry. It was healing. I loved feeling her soft skin, holding her swaddled little body. One thing they don’t tell you with a baby lost as early as Benjamin, it that his skin wasn’t normal. It was kind of sticky. I wanted to caress him, but couldn’t. His skin wasn’t smooth. So feeling this little girls skin helped fix that need to caress a baby. Although, I have to admit, I am a bit jealous. But then again, maybe not. I LOVE sleep. Ha! 
But this peace I have, it’s supernatural. It is beautiful. I can’t explain it, but loosing Benjamin hasn’t destroyed me. I am devastated over his loss, but I’m not broken.
But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you. For you bless the righteous, O Lord; you cover him with favor as a shield. – Psalms 5:11-12
I came across this verse this morning. I am in His covering. I feel shielded. It puts a smile on my face.
But the verse I really wanted to talk about this morning is one most every Christian knows, well, at least the 2 previous verses. I’m talking about Lamentations 3:22-23.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Most stop here, because let’s face it, how beautiful is it that the Lord gives us a fresh start EVERY SINGLE MORNING!? I think this is so refreshing as a stay-at-home-homeschooling mom. But don’t stop there. Read verse 24:
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”
I love that it says the LORD is my PORTION. He is all I need. He is my hope. He will sustain me on the good days, and hold me tight on the bad. He is hope. Hope for the weary soul. Hope for the grieving, the happy, the sad, anyone! We serve an Awesome God! But the question is, do you?
I want you to know, I welcome any questions about Benjamin. I love to talk about him. I may cry, so be prepared, I may not, which means I’m having a good day. I hate being a mood killer, the room silencer, you know? Anyways…
I’ll leave you with this last verse. Praying for all of you as you come across my mind.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:7
Bethany says:
This is so beautiful, Trish. I’m so very thankful that meeting Victoria brought more healing than hurt to your heart. God is doing great and mighty things in your life! Please keep writing about them, it is an encouragement to all of us!
Candice says:
I love reading your blog again Tricia…thank you for sharing your story and beautiful heart with us. I am praying for you and thinking of you often. ?
Claudia says:
Hi Tricia! Loved reading this. I am truly sorry for your loss. This touched a chord in me, I was pregnant in 2013 and suffered a miscarriage right before Christmas 2013, by far worst Christmas ever. It’s been and continues to be a difficult journey towards healing, I was mad with God and mad at the world but slowly and surely I’ve learned to let that anger go and I pray that God will answer my prayers to become a mother. (I keep saying to become a mother, but I know in my heart I am already mother) Thank you for sharing, my heart goes out to you and your family.